You are experiencing Primary Tension, a rare and potentially debilitating condition. Do not panic.
Primary Tension is characterized by an overwhelming sense of uncertainty, dread, and existential despair. Symptoms include:
Fortunately, we have just the prescription for you:
1. Paradoxical Resolution: Engage in a series of increasingly absurd paradoxes to rewire your thinking.
2. Meaningful Meditations: Listen to calming, soothing sounds of a didgeridoo to calm your nerves.
Side effects may include: temporary euphoria, spontaneous smiling, and a renewed sense of purpose. But don't worry, we'll just tell you that it's all just a simulation, anyway...
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